Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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