I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I came so hard my ears popped.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
