Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
