to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am available for nakedness
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
