This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
