We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
