It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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