A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
