dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize