how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
