Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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