nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
