Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize