That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
