Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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