I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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