worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
