idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
