Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
