If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
