sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And then he peed in my hair
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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