Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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