Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
