but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
