the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
