That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize