dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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