hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
barbara walters just said penis...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
