K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
