I feel great
I just peed on a car
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
