I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
