he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
