I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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