My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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