Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
