You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
