i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
