Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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