I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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