alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
