I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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