If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are two peas in an std pod
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
