Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
