apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
