Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
