Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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