is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize