he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
