Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
