If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
either way he was missing a nipple.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
