i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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