The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's never too late to be topless.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
