If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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