I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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