Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
