I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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