dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
