they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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