Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
