Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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