haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
