here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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