i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
