sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
