Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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