i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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