no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
