When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
