you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
