Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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