I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
