Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
